~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                                                          
                  Copyright 1994 by Daniel Keys Moran.       
                            All rights reserved.                          

     I, Daniel Keys Moran, "The Author," hereby release this text
         as freeware. It may be transmitted as a text file
    anywhere in this or any other dimension, without reservation,
        so long as the story text is not altered IN ANY WAY.
    No fee may be charged for such transmission, save handling fees
          comparable to those charged for shareware programs.

      THIS WORK MAY NOT BE PRINTED OR PUBLISHED IN A BOOK, MAGAZINE,
   ELECTRONIC OR CD-ROM STORY COLLECTION, OR VIA ANY OTHER MEDIUM NOW
    EXISTING OR WHICH MAY IN THE FUTURE COME INTO EXISTENCE, WITHOUT
  WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE AUTHOR. THIS WORK IS LICENSED FOR READING
       PURPOSES ONLY. ALL OTHER RIGHTS ARE RESERVED BY THE AUTHOR.

DESCRIPTION: The following was a spec screenplay, written by myself and
             my sister, for the television show "Dream On." Nothing ever
             came of it. If you're a fan of that show, though, you might
             enjoy "Another One Bites the Dust." I still think it's one
             of the funnier things either Jodi or I ever wrote.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream On: another one bites the dust
Daniel Keys Moran & Jodi Moran


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FADE IN:

1    INT. MARTIN TUPPER'S OFFICE                                1
     
     MARTIN is reading at his desk - the New York Times Book
     Review.

*    INSERT - NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER LIST                    *
     
     The Number One entry for nonfiction is The Last Dancer,
     by Richard Stone. The Number One entry for fiction is of
     course Devlin's Razor, also by Richard Stone.

1    INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING                          1
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (muttering)
                  He's at the top of both charts.
     
     TOBY calls from the outer office.
                                
                              TOBY
                  Did you say something?
     
     Martin comes out to her desk, waving the Times angrily.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  The Pulitzers weren't enough. The
                  Emmys weren't enough. The awards and
                  the honors and the appearances on
                  Nightline! They weren't enough for
                  him! Now he's intruding in my field!
                                
                              TOBY
                       (figuring it out)
                  Your ex's husband, Richard. His novel
                  is doing well?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Number One! His non-fiction's been at
                  the top of the list for three months.
                  For three months I haven't been able
                  to look at that list! Now he's at
                  Number One on the fiction list. How
                  many Mondays am I going to have to
                  come in here and look at this?

C-1  FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER (CLIP)                          C1

1    TOBY'S DESK - CONTINUING                                   1
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (shakes paper wildly)
                  It's not fair! He didn't need this!
                                
                              TOBY
                  You know, Martin, you're not dealing
                  with this well.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  What do you know about this, Toby?
                  All your ex's are dead!
                                
                              TOBY
                  It's neater that way.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (breathing heavily)
                  I'm going home for the day. If
                  anybody asks, I'm gone.
     
     Martin goes back inside his office. We HEAR the sound of
     things crashing and breaking. JUDITH enters.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Hi, Toby. Is Martin in?
                                
                              TOBY
                  Ah -- no, no. He's not here.
                       (crashing sound)
                  He left. You should leave too.
                       (breaking sound; Toby speaks
                       urgently)
                  Maybe right now.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Is that Martin?
                                
                              TOBY
                  No, that's -- that's the cleaning
                  people. They're cleaning. Martin's
                  not here.
     
     Martin comes out. Judith looks at Toby in bewilderment.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Cleaning people?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Judith! How wonderful.

C-2  MAN SHOOTING SELF IN HEAD (CLIP)                         C-2

1    TOBY'S DESK - CONTINUING                                   1
                                
                             JUDITH
                  I thought I'd come take you to lunch.
                  Sort of a celebration. Richard's
                  novel debuted at --
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (breathing heavily)
                  You don't say.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  -- number one. Isn't that wonderful?

C-3  MAN HANGING SELF (CLIP)                                  C-3

1    TOBY'S DESK - CONTINUING                                   1
                                
                              TOBY
                  He's thrilled.
                       (to Martin)
                  Neater. Remember that.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (hyperventilating)
                  Thrilled.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  ... Can we talk in your office?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  No. The cleaning people haven't come.
                  It's a mess.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Martin, are you okay? You're
                  hyperventilating.
     
     Martin opens his mouth to say something. His mouth works
     but nothing comes out and he abruptly grabs his coat,
     turns and leaves. Judith looks at Toby.
                                
                              TOBY
                  He's so happy for both of you.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

2    INT. EDDIE CHARLES' STUDIO                                 2
     
     They are taping the EDDIE CHARLES show. Eddie's guest is
     a Very Famous Horror Writer -- you know, Steven Prince.
     Him. Martin stands, watching, crumpled newspaper in his
     hand.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  -- guest today is the best selling
                  writer in the world, a writer who has
                  scared more readers than anyone else
                  alive today.

C-4  MAD SCIENTIST AT WORK (CLIP)                             C-4

2    INT. EDDIE'S STUDIO -- CONTINUING                          2
                                
                             PRINCE
                  I never really wanted to be a horror
                  writer. (Bug eyes.) I wanted to be a
                  lumberjack! (Eyes normal.) That's a
                  joke. Monty Python. But I always
                  wanted to write romances. So I did.
                                
                              EDDIE
                       (professional veneer slips)
                  You did not.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  I've finished the book already. It's
                  really good. Hot stuff, cross my
                  heart. Unfortunately, my current
                  publisher doesn't want to put it out.
                  They think it'll damage my image.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  Is that possible?

C-5  DEFACING A STATUE/PAINTING (CLIP)                        C-5

2    INT. STUDIO - CONTINUING                                   2
                                
                             PRINCE
                  It really is a romance novel. About a
                  character named Agony Chilblains.
     
     Eddie is at a loss for words.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  Romance. Well, romance is -- romance
                  is good.
     
     Martin's insane gloom lightens; he has an idea.

C-6  VAST RICHES SHALL BE YOURS (CLIP)                        C-6

2    INT. STUDIO -- CONTINUING.                                 2
     
     The studio audience is applauding; the show is over.
     Martin comes back from his dream, tags Eddie on his way
     offstage.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  Martin! Hey, buddy. You know, I met
                  this girl --
                                
                             MARTIN
                  No kidding.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  Big horror fan. You'd be amazed at
                  what women will do to meet this man.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (waving crumpled, sweaty
                       Times)
                  Never mind that. Have you seen this?
                                
                              EDDIE
                       (taking it gingerly)
                  It's damp.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  He's at Number One, Eddie! Both
                  lists!
                                
                              EDDIE
                       (hands it back)
                  Yeah, I heard.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  What am I going to do?
                                
                              EDDIE
                  You could hire someone to kill
                  Richard Stone.

C-7  THAT'S AN IDEA! (CLIP)                                   C-7

2    INT. STUDIO - CONTINUING.                                  2
                                
                             MARTIN
                  No -- no, then I'd have to console
                  Judith. And I'd feel guilty and she'd
                  know. She always knows about things
                  like that.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  Jeez, Martin, I was kidding.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Look, Eddie, introduce me to Mr.
                  Prince.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  Sure.
     
     Prince stands a ways off, chatting with the show's staff,
     signing autographs. Eddie and Martin go over to him.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  -- and his head came right off!
                  Funniest thing I ever saw!
                                
                              EDDIE
                  Mr. Prince, I wanted to introduce my
                  friend, Martin Tupper. Martin's an
                  editor with Whitestone Publishing.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  You're the guys who publish all those
                  sleazy exploitation bios, aren't you?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  That's us.
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (suspiciously)
                  What do you think about romances?
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (unconvincingly)
                  Romances are fine -- fine, really.
                  Listen, Mr. Prince --
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Call me Steve. Big Steve.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Listen, Steve -- Big Steve -- sleazy
                  exploitational bios aren't all we do.
                  We do children's books too! And we
                  want to branch out, into romances!
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Really.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  We'd love to publish your romance.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Have you ever published a romance
                  before?
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (thinking quickly)
                  "The Dame with the Two-Fisted Legs."
                                
                             PRINCE
                  That was a romance?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Sort of.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Great! I like to work with people who
                  have experience. And conviction! Most
                  editors are spineless, gutless,
                  little wormlike creatures.

C-8  SPINELESS, GUTLESS, WORMLIKE CREATURES (CLIP)            C-8

2    INT. STUDIO - CONTINUING.                                  2
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Not me!
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Well. I'll send the book over. If you
                  like it and can pay five million,
                  I'll be over on Monday to sign the
                  contract.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  But -- you -- five million? You want
                  us to publish your book for five
                  million dollars?
                                
                             PRINCE
                  It's what I get per book. (to Eddie:)
                  I thought everyone knew that.
     
     Eddie looks embarrassed; he thought everyone knew that
     too.

C-8  FISHERMAN/THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY (CLIP)                   C-8

2    STUDIO - CONTINUING                                        2
                                
                             MARTIN
                  We'll publish it! We'll publish it!
                  Five million -- no problem.
                       (holds hand out to shake)
                  I'll see you Monday.
     
     Prince shakes hands, exits. Martin and Eddie are left
     together.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  So, you figure this book will knock
                  Richard out of Number One.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  On the fiction list, anyway! Isn't
                  this great?

C-9  YOU'RE BEING PROMOTED, SON! (CLIP)                       C-9

2    STUDIO - CONTINUING                                        2
                                
                              EDDIE
                  You should call Judith up, really get
                  in her face with this.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  I am too good a person to do
                  something like that to someone I
                  still care about.
     
     Eddie nods, grinning. Sure you are.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

3    INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE                                        3
                                
                              GIBBY
                  The man gets five million per book,
                  Martin. You know that?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  He's worth it.
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Oh, I know he's worth it. And we'll
                  make our money back on the deal. But
                  we're a small company; to raise this
                  kind of money we're going to have to
                  cut at least twenty of the books in
                  the pipeline. Most of them your
                  writers; it only seems fair.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (swallowing)
                  I can handle that.
                                
                              GIBBY
                  We'll have to cut back on staff, too.
                  Starting with, uhm --

C-10 YOU'RE FIRED! (CLIP)                                    C-10

3    INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING                           3
                                
                              GIBBY
                  -- your secretary, what's-her-name.

C-11 RELIEF/BETTER HER THAN ME (CLIP)                        C-11

3    INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING                           3
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Toby.
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Can't afford her. And you won't have
                  that many writers to deal with, you
                  won't need her now.
     
     Martin is wavering.

C-12 YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING! (CLIP)                 C-12

3    INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.                          3
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (desperately)
                  We have to publish this!
                                
                              GIBBY
                  That's my boy! You've got a Steven
                  Prince novel. Fuck the rest of the
                  world, eh?
                       (smiling; friendly)
                  Knew you had it in you. You should
                  call your ex-wife up and throw it in
                  her face.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  I'm not the kind of person who would
                  do that.
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Pity. It's great fun.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

4    TOBY'S DESK                                                4
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Toby, I need to talk to you --
                                
                              TOBY
                  Martin! We're really publishing
                  Steven Prince?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Well, yes. But --
                                
                              TOBY
                  Have you called up Judith yet, to
                  gloat?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  No! Toby, this is very difficult --
                                
                              TOBY
                  What is it?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Well, this book is very expensive.
                  It's costing the firm a lot.
                                
                              TOBY
                  Gibby's not taking our bonuses away
                  again!

C-13 KILL HER QUICKLY; IT'S KINDER (CLIP)                    C-13

4    TOBY'S DESK - CONTINUING                                   4
                                
                             MARTIN
                  We're going to have to let you go.
                  We'll give you two weeks and then a
                  month's severance pay.
                                
                              TOBY
                       (slowly)
                  Is this a joke? Gibby put you up to
                  this, right?
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (swallows)
                  No. I'm sorry. It's not a joke. Uh,
                  where are you going?
                                
                              TOBY
                       (clearly shaken; picking up
                       her purse)
                  Lunch. For the rest of the day. Maybe
                  longer.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

5    INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - INTERCUT W/JUDITH                   5
     
     Martin sits at his desk a moment, then shakes himself.
     This is getting tough. Suddenly he smiles.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  I'm not too good a person to gloat.
     
     Martin picks up the phone and calls Judith.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Hey, Jude!
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Martin. Look, I'm glad you called.
                  I'm really sorry about this morning,
                  I wasn't thinking.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (doesn't want apology)
                  Yeah, well, guess what? Guess who
                  we're publishing?
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Oh, Martin, you didn't buy another
                  one of those exploitation bios?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  No, no, that's not it.
                       (dramatic pause)
                  Steven Prince.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Oh, Martin, that's wonderful! Uhm,
                  can your company afford him?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Oh, sure. No problem. And get this;
                  it's a complete change of subject for
                  him. We're publishing a romance novel
                  he wrote! Isn't that wild?
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Romance?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Romance. Remember that book he wrote
                  about the romance novelist?
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Certainly. Richard said it was a cry
                  for help.

C-14 "OF COURSE HE DID." (CLIP)                              C-14

5    INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE/INTERCUT W/JUDITH                     5
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (annoyed)
                  Anyway, he's messengering the book
                  over later today. We're having lunch
                  Monday; the book should be at the
                  printers within a week; in stores
                  within a month.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  But -- that'll knock Richard's book
                  out of Number One.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (unconvincingly)
                  Really?
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Martin -- you're not just doing this
                  to be petty -- are you?

C-15 I'M GUILTY! GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY! (CLIP)              C-15

5    INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.                         5
                                
                             MARTIN
                  No. Of course not. It's just a
                  coincidence.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  You are!
                                
                             MARTIN
                  It's just business, Jude.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Speaking as a psychologist, this kind
                  of behavior is petty and childish and
                  I hope you die.
     
     Judith hangs up. Martin doesn't look happy.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

6    INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER THAT DAY                      6
     
     Martin is on the phone.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Look, Mary, you understand that we've
                  valued your relationship with
                  Whitestone Publishing. But with the
                  current financial constraints on the
                  company, we're going to have to
                  return the manuscript to you and
                  suggest you seek a new publisher --
                  no, no, we're not displeased with the
                  work -- really, I've always loved
                  your writing -- yes, yes, I
                  understand that -- no, we're not
                  asking for a rewrite, we just can't
                  publish your book -- look, I'm trying
                  to make this easy for both of us --

C-16 COLD BLOODED KILLER AT WORK (CLIP)                      C-16
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

7    INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER                               7
     
     Martin is on the phone, tie loosened, sweating.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Well, Jack, your last couple of books
                  didn't sell so well. This isn't a
                  personal thing, we're just cutting
                  costs here and you happened to be one
                  of the places we've had to cut. No,
                  no, please don't cry, it's not your
                  fault, really -- please stop crying.

C-17 ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST (CLIP)                       C-17
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

8    INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER                               8
     
     His tie and coat are off; he looks like hell.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  You think this is easy for me, Terry?
                  Do you? I've been editing your books
                  for six years! I don't want to stop
                  editing your work, but I don't have
                  any choice in the matter! And neither
                  do you!

C-18 AND ANOTHER ONE DOES (CLIP)                             C-18
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

9    INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER                               9
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Hi, Dorothy. Yeah, this is Martin
                  over at Whitestone.
                       (shouts)
                  Get a new publisher!
     
     Martin slams the phone down.

C-19 EVERYONE HATES YOU, BUDDY (CLIP)                        C-19
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

10   INT. MARTIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM                     10
     
     Martin is reading a manuscript. The title is, of course,
     <Agony>. Eddie is in the kitchen getting a beer.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  How is it, man?
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (dazed)
                  This is the worst thing I've ever
                  read.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  I thought you liked Prince's stuff.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  I do. Did. But this -- I don't even
                  understand what's happening in this
                  story. Agony keeps getting ravished
                  -- but she's still a virgin -- so I'm
                  not sure what happens when she gets
                  ravished. Maybe it's just, like,
                  really violent foreplay?
     
     Martin looks at Eddie to see what he thinks of this idea;
     Eddie nods, maybe that's it.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  And she's got five different men in
                  love with her and they're all named
                  Burke Smythington-Wellesly-Smith.
                                
                              EDDIE
                  All of them?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Except for Ralph. But I think Ralph
                  is secretly her mother who had the
                  sex change operation.
                       (stares at Eddie wide-eyed)
                  I can't publish this.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

11   INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE                                       11
                                
                              GIBBY
                  What's wrong with it?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  It's incoherent, Gibby!
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Well, the books you buy usually are,
                  Martin. It's never seemed to bother
                  you before.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Gibby, we can't publish this! The
                  reviewers will savage it. We'll be a
                  laughingstock!

C-20 PEOPLE LAUGHING AND POINTING (CLIP)                     C-20

11   INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING                          11
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Martin, listen to me. I would publish
                  this book if it were Prince's private
                  collection of letters he'd written to
                  Penthouse Forum. I'd publish anything
                  with his name on it. We are going to
                  publish this and that's the end of
                  the matter. Now, I understand you two
                  are having lunch. Go schmooze the man
                  -- and stop whining.
     
     Martin, whipped, turns to go.
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Oh, Martin.
                       (Martin turns back)
                  When you talk to him -- ask him if
                  he's ever written anything to
                  Penthouse Forum. Okay? Just ask. In
                  passing.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

12   AT TOBY'S DESK                                            12
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Did you make the reservations I asked
                  for?
                                
                              TOBY
                  What reservations?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  For my lunch. With Prince.
     
     Toby advances on Martin threateningly; Martin retreats
     toward his office.
                                
                              TOBY
                  Do you honestly think I've got time
                  to make reservations for you to go
                  out to lunch? I'm busy looking for a
                  new job! I'm pounding the pavement.
                  Reading the newspaper. Making
                  telephone calls. Sucking up to people
                  in interviews. My cheeks ache from
                  smiling.
                       (shouts)
                  I'm not a natural smiler, Martin!
     
     Martin backs into his office and slams the door.
                                
                              TOBY
                       (from the other side of the
                       door)
                  And stay in there!
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

13   AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER                              13
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Nice place.

C-21 BETTE DAVIS - "WHAT A DUMP" (CLIP)                      C-21

13   AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER - CONTINUING                 13
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Yeah, it's got -- got -- atmosphere.
                  And burgers -- burgers, shakes,
                  fries, that all-American thing, that
                  thing you write about. Brand names.
                       (whips up ketchup bottle)
                  Look, Heinz!
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (nods approvingly)
                  Americana. You know, Martin, I don't
                  think an editor's ever taken me to a
                  place like this before.
                       (stares at Martin)
                  I think you understand.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (abruptly stomping on floor)
                  That wasn't a cockroach.

C-22 MILLIONS OF BUGS SWARMING (CLIP)                        C-22

13   AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER - CONTINUING                 13
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Looked like one. Kind of small,
                  though. In Texas they have
                  cockroaches as big as your hand. Want
                  to see one?

C-23 ONE GIANT BUG (CLIP)                                    C-23

13   AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER - CONTINUING                 13
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Have you got it with you?
                                
                             PRINCE
                  In the car. His name's Dennis.

C-24 DENNIS THE MENACE (CLIP)                                C-24

13   AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER - CONTINUING                 13
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Dennis.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  He didn't want to come in.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Oh.
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (explaining)
                  Wasn't hungry.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (change the subject, quick)
                  I just love your books! May I ask you
                  a question?
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Shoot.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  What prompted you to give up horror
                  for romance writing?
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Fear.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  You're afraid of your own writing?
                                
                             PRINCE
                  No! Well, yes. But not the writing
                  part. What comes before.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  I don't understand.
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (instant paranoia)
                  You're not like the others, are you?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  What others?
                                
                             PRINCE
                  The ones who think there's some shame
                  in romance writing, who think that
                  horror writing is better in some
                  obscure way. You know --
                       (ranting, words tumbling
                       out; people turn to look)
                  -- I can't sleep at night. If you did
                  all day what I do all day, you
                  wouldn't be able to sleep at night
                  either. Other people hear a noise in
                  the night and they think the house is
                  settling. Me, I'm forty-four years
                  old and I still have to check under
                  the bed before I go to sleep. My own
                  children are afraid of me! I have
                  rats scritching in my walls -- giant
                  mutant android rats.
                       (pause)
                  Playing reggae music.
                       (leans forward, eyes bug
                       out)
                  Loud reggae music!
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Really.
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (abruptly subsiding; matter-
                       of-fact:)
                  Well, maybe not really. But sometimes
                  I think they are.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  I love romances. I've always kind of
                  thought of myself as that romantic
                  type. Just ask my ex-wife.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  I can trust you, can't I? You're not
                  like other editors, are you? You're a
                  real person. With emotions; a heart.
                  Blood, and intestines.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  You bet.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Let's go sign that contract.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  You're not hungry?
                                
                             PRINCE
                  I ate already. In the car, with
                  Dennis.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

14   INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE                                      14
     
     Martin has the contract sitting on the desk in front of
     Prince. Prince sits in the guest chair.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  This is what I always wanted to do.
                  Sometimes, Martin, I just get this
                  urge to show my softer side.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Well, you've certainly shown it.

C-25 SOFT IN THE HEAD! (CLIP)                                C-25

14   INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING                         14
                                
                             PRINCE
                  So what do you like best about the
                  book?
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (looking for a pen on his
                       desk)
                  Uh -- uh -- Burke Smythington-
                  Wellesly-Smith.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  Which one?
     
     Martin tries one pen -- it doesn't write.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  The second one.
                                
                             PRINCE
                  The one that used to be Agony's
                  mother before the sex change?
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (finding a pen that writes)
                  I thought that was Ralph.
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (shrugging)
                  Could have been.
     
     Prince reaches for the pen Martin is offering him. He
     pauses, reaches again; his fingers close around the pen
     clumsily, and the pen drops to the ground. He leans over
     to reach for it, is unable to, and slumps back into his
     chair.
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (gasping; clutching chest)
                  I need another pen. That one's -- no
                  good.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (slow on uptake)
                  Are you okay?
                       (comes around desk, picks up
                       pen)
                  It's a perfectly fine pen.
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (gasping; turning red)
                  It is not.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Look, it writes.
                                
                             PRINCE
                       (spasming)
                  I need a new pen!
     
     His head falls forward on his chest and he sits there
     limply.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (grabbing Prince by the
                       shirtfront and shaking him)
                  Are you all right? Are you dying?
     
     Prince doesn't answer.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  You have to sign this contract first!
                  You can't die!
                       (shakes Prince violently)
                  Thirty seconds! I only need thirty
                  seconds!
                       (begins slapping Prince)
                  Breathe! Breathe!

C-26 TAKE THAT! AND THAT! (CLIP)                             C-26

14   INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING                         14
     
     Toby enters as Martin is slapping Prince around.
                                
                              TOBY
                  What are you doing?
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (dropping Prince abruptly)
                  Nothing.
                                
                              TOBY
                       (peering at Prince closely)
                  Is he -- is he -- dead?
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (guilty)
                  No.
                                
                              TOBY
                  Did you kill him?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Of course not!
                                
                              TOBY
                       (screaming loudly)
                  Oh my God! He's killed the best-
                  selling writer in the world!
     
     Gibby enters.
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Do I hear screaming?
                                
                              TOBY
                  Martin killed Steven Prince!
                                
                             MARTIN
                  I did not!
     
     Toby runs outside to her desk. We HEAR HER on the phone
     in the background.
                                
                              GIBBY
                  You killed him?
                       (pause)
                  This is wonderful! We couldn't buy
                  this kind of publicity! I can see it
                  now:  EDITOR OFFS BELOVED HORROR
                  WRITER; GETS ELECTRIC CHAIR! We'll
                  make money hand over foot. Every poor
                  book-reading schmuck in the country
                  will snap up a copy of Agony --
                       (looks at Martin
                       consideringly)
                  And while you're on death row, you
                  can write your memoirs:  WHY I KILLED
                  STEVEN PRINCE. We'll make money
                  together, Martin. You and I.
                                
                             MARTIN
                       (screaming)
                  I didn't kill him!
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Can you prove that?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  He had a heart attack! Or a stroke, I
                  don't know. Call an ambulance!
     
     Toby enters.
                                
                              TOBY
                  I've already called the police.
                       (gives Martin the evil eye)
                  Fire me, will you?
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Look at the opportunity, Martin. Even
                  if you didn't do it, I think it would
                  be in our best interests if you were
                  to admit to it.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  He didn't sign the contract, Gibby.
                                
                              GIBBY
                  I'll send women on visiting days.
                  Whoever you ask for. I'll send --
                  what? He didn't what?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Sign the contract.
                                
                              GIBBY
                       (screaming)
                  How could you kill him before he
                  signed the contract? You've ruined
                  us. You bastard -- you --
     
     Judith enters.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  Do I hear screaming?
                                
                             MARTIN
                  No!
                                
                              GIBBY
                  Wait. Wait. We can forge his
                  signature.
                       (He knocks Prince from the
                       chair, begins rifling his
                       pockets.
                  Look, his wallet! His driver's
                  license has his signature!
                       (thrusting license at
                       Martin)
                  Take care of it, Martin.
                       (turning to Judith & Toby)
                  Could you both step outside for a
                  moment?
                                
                              TOBY
                  I'm sorry, Gibby, but I don't feel
                  comfortable leaving you alone with
                  Martin. Him being the murderer that
                  he is.
                                
                             JUDITH
                       (a flash of normalcy)
                  He's -- dead? Oh, my God, he's dead.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  I didn't kill him!
     
     At this point, two police officers enter the room. Over
     the general babble, one cop shouts.
                                
                               COP
                  All right, all right! Let's have some
                  quiet here! Now, who's the victim,
                  and who's the murderer?
     
     Gibby waves a disgusted hand at the body; Toby points at
     Martin.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

15   INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER                              15
     
     Paramedics are rolling Prince's body out on a gurney. In
     the BG, a cop is speaking to Toby.
                                
                               COP
                  Look, we can't arrest him for giving
                  the guy a heart attack. It's
                  inconsiderate, but it's not a crime.
     
     In the FG, Martin and Judith are sitting together,
     ignoring everyone else.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  I'm so sorry, Martin. I know how much
                  this book meant to you. And I'm sorry
                  for what I said the other day.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  It's okay. You were right, I was
                  being petty. I only wanted Prince to
                  knock Richard out of the #1 spot.
                  It's just  -- really hard, having to
                  deal with the constant reminders of
                  his perfection.
                                
                             JUDITH
                  He knows. He said to tell you he
                  forgives you.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

16.  TOBY'S DESK - LATER                                       16
     
     Martin is pleading with Toby.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Toby, I'd really like you to stay on.
                                
                              TOBY
                  Hah.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Please?
                                
                              TOBY
                  You fired me!
                                
                             MARTIN
                  You tried to get me arrested for
                  murder.
                                
                              TOBY
                  I was upset. My feet hurt. All that
                  hitting the pavement.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  So you'll stay?
                                
                              TOBY
                  My eyes hurt, too. Those ads are
                  printed in really small type.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Does this mean you're staying?
                                
                              TOBY
                  Aw, I guess so.
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Great! Look, Toby, would you get me a
                  list of my writers?
                                
                              TOBY
                       (snarling)
                  Get it yourself.
                                                            
                                                     CUT TO:

17   INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER                              17
     
     Martin is on the phone.

*    INSERT - A LIST OF NAMES, ABOUT TWENTY OF THEM.            *
     
     Half the names have checkmarks next to them. Midway down
     the list, the name Dorothy Fontana lacks a checkmark.

17   INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING                         17
                                
                             MARTIN
                  Dorothy -- I understand some maniac
                  has been calling -- ha ha -- claiming
                  to be me, screaming at you about your
                  needing to get a new publisher.
                       (listens)
                  No, we don't know who it was, but
                  we've notified the police. Yes, yes,
                  the police are looking into it.

     FADE OUT.

     ROLL END CREDITS
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